Whenever I do well at things nowadays, I feel bad about myself.
I don't know if it's a self defense mechanism that my brain has put in place to stop me becoming disappointed, when things inevitably go tits up.
I hope not. I like to be disappointed. It shows I'm aiming high.
I could easily succumb to the feelings that my brain's sending out, and just stop trying to do well at things.
That way I'd be content.
I'd be the same.
I'd be fucked.
I'd be crying.
Therefore I'm scared about doing well. And its a fear that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. Which isn't good at all.
If I've got this fear, then surely it's always gonna be holding me back later on.
Or maybe it's just setting me up, so that when I do come good, and things turn out well, I feel fucking amazing about myself.
I've missed this blogging shite.
