Costume Ideas.

Tonight I'm dressing up as a slutty cat, but...

...well...

...that's beside the point really.

I wear costumes a lot because of what I choose to do on a daily basis.
In fact, I used to get paid to wear one all day.

It's something that I'm used to.



I work with some people in theatre who are very shy. They hide away in their everyday life and shut themselves off. I think it's their defensive mechanism.
But then they go on stage, in costume (whether it be literally, or just in the way that they are 'in character') and they change. It seems that they can lower those inside defences when they are wearing an outside costume.

It's a freeing experience.
Therapeutic.
A lot of people do it.


But what confuses me, is why it takes them to go on stage to do that?
And is everyone like that?

How about maybe, just maybe, people who aren't shy, are just as closed off on the inside as those who are?
Maybe we all are just like those shy people, we just hide it better?

I think I am anyway.

When I'm not wearing a costume on the outside, I'm sure as hell wearing one inside.
It's my defence to the shit that rains from the sky of society every fucking day.

Every now and then I'm going to strip out of that make believe costume in the hope that it opens myself out to the stage of the world.

Open myself to possibilities.
Strip myself and show my vulnerabilities.
And just hope I don't get fucked up by it.

Ancient Culmination

I am currently 21 years old.



I will have no more 'coming of age' birthdays.



I have come of age.



I am of age.



Of age to do what exactly? To be what exactly?

It may seem to you dear readers that 21 isn't actually very old at all. If I live to the average life expectancy in the UK then I'm only just over a quarter of the way to my deathbed. Not much really.
But in my opinion it's completely relative.

If I'm acting like a 8 year old then 21 is fucking ancient. As I am feeling around about now.

I try to grow up. I do.
I try to do things that adults do, like have some wine whilst making dinner, or organise all my paperwork into separate draws in my desk.
I still feel immature though.

I still haven't got it together. Whatever 'it' is.




But then I look at people even older than me and see that they haven't got 'it' together either and it gives me a little comfort.


There isn't anything to get together is there?

Life is just a massive struggle to keep everything from falling apart at its seams.

And it's time for me to get stitching I guess.