You're about as funny as Dr Zoidberg

Blogs make me laugh. I dont know why I even bother writing them.

I just read them back to myself a week later, and I sound like a pretentious up-my-own-arse twat.
Thats probably because I am a pretentious up-my-own-arse twat, but I dont mean to be.

Maybe its a kind of learning process. I look back, and as such learn and become a better person.
Thats what people say, isn't it? Every experience is a good experience. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

I dont think so. I think a lot of experiences are purely just to fuck you up. They're unfair, pointless and a waste of time. Sometimes you come out of things a weaker person. I have.
I've became anxious, and questioning myself in things that I would usually just ignorantly rush into, and come out the other side fine.
Now I just guess I'm too wise. But not wise enough.

Life's a bitch ass circle. Why can't I just be as wise a Stephen Fry?

The Importance Of Being Conor

Time not spent wasted is time wasted?

I fucking love getting wankered. The hilarity of it. When for some reason your mind just fucks off and leaves the body to fend for itself.
The body struggles, of course it does, and you end up wobbling around, speaking one word sentences (iwoodrellywansomfrosties) and whenever some flat surface shows itself (bed, sofa, floor), like a magnet it will drag you towards it, and getting back up is nigh on improbable.
Obviously there are a few more amusing side effects to alcohol, but thats all I can think of at the moment.

But the feeling I get from alcohol, is purity. I feel totally at ease with myself. Not under pressure to do something with myself. Not bogged down by overthinking too much. Not frightened with the prospect of only one more christmas in my own home.
Just purely fucking wankered.

Kinda the same feeling when I'm playing Modern Warfare 2. Theres no meaning to it, and therefore theres no reason to think so hard. You just kill the opposing team. If you win, then go you, if you lose, then you move on.
Same with drinkin. Theres no meaning. You drink, you get drunk. Its fun.

Then why can't life be like that? Instead theres too much meaning.
Too many things to do.
Why cant we just live for fun?
Why is there so much stress, and pain, and whatever else there is that fucks us over?

Im gonna go watch Fast and Furious.

Karma (My first blog)

I've been thinking.
It's one thing that I think I'm good at, thinking. I can delve into shit logically, and also with an empathy. (Maths and performing arts, brilliant combination.)

Don't expect this to make sense. It won't be rounded, or end properly. In fact, it will probably just make you think more. If you have important work to do, I would recommend getting that done first, just in case you can't concentrate.

Karma. What comes around goes around. Perform a good deed, feel good. Perform a bad deed, feel bad.
Personally, I have gone from being the most ecstatic man alive, to even classing myself as clinically depressed (I wasn't, I just like to say so).
I believe i have had a taster of both extremes. I am not naive enough to say that i was lowest of the low, i wasn't, and Im pretty sure it could have been a hell of a lot better or a hell of a lot worse. It could have been raining for example (or very sunny, i like to be an optimist).
What im trying to get across is, I'm normal. I have not had a bad life, but I wouldnt say I've had a fantastic one either. I am luckier than most, but I've been through my fair share of shit.

Karma suggests that for me to have gone through such highs and lows, then surely i have committed both good and bad acts. And have been punished/rewarded occasionally.

(fuck me, this writing down your thoughts thing is hard.)

I also believe in fate, and destiny. Not the, "your a wizard Harry" type, but that, in a way everybody has a certain calling. Something they were just made to do or be.
Myself, i like to think i was made to be an actor. Im rolling with that, its put me in good stead so far.
But I also believe that my life is kind of planned out ahead of me, but not in physical things, but instead emotions. I say kind of, because karma suggests, that you kind of make it up as you go along. The more happy fluffy good stuff you dish out as a person, the more happy fluffy good stuff life will give you back.


Recently however, I've started to feel like karma, fate, and destiny is all bullshit. I've been looking for it, but its not been coming.
Stuff old Chinese people created to make us feel better. Like religion, or the afterlife. It's useful, and does work as a means of making us happy, but it also cant help but make you question it.

Maybe, I am being silly however, and maybe this karma i am looking for is delayed for some reason. Maybe fate will only allow it to come at a later time?
or even, maybe, the horrible, horrible wait is in fact a lesson. something that I will learn from in the future?