Karma (My first blog)

I've been thinking.
It's one thing that I think I'm good at, thinking. I can delve into shit logically, and also with an empathy. (Maths and performing arts, brilliant combination.)

Don't expect this to make sense. It won't be rounded, or end properly. In fact, it will probably just make you think more. If you have important work to do, I would recommend getting that done first, just in case you can't concentrate.

Karma. What comes around goes around. Perform a good deed, feel good. Perform a bad deed, feel bad.
Personally, I have gone from being the most ecstatic man alive, to even classing myself as clinically depressed (I wasn't, I just like to say so).
I believe i have had a taster of both extremes. I am not naive enough to say that i was lowest of the low, i wasn't, and Im pretty sure it could have been a hell of a lot better or a hell of a lot worse. It could have been raining for example (or very sunny, i like to be an optimist).
What im trying to get across is, I'm normal. I have not had a bad life, but I wouldnt say I've had a fantastic one either. I am luckier than most, but I've been through my fair share of shit.

Karma suggests that for me to have gone through such highs and lows, then surely i have committed both good and bad acts. And have been punished/rewarded occasionally.

(fuck me, this writing down your thoughts thing is hard.)

I also believe in fate, and destiny. Not the, "your a wizard Harry" type, but that, in a way everybody has a certain calling. Something they were just made to do or be.
Myself, i like to think i was made to be an actor. Im rolling with that, its put me in good stead so far.
But I also believe that my life is kind of planned out ahead of me, but not in physical things, but instead emotions. I say kind of, because karma suggests, that you kind of make it up as you go along. The more happy fluffy good stuff you dish out as a person, the more happy fluffy good stuff life will give you back.


Recently however, I've started to feel like karma, fate, and destiny is all bullshit. I've been looking for it, but its not been coming.
Stuff old Chinese people created to make us feel better. Like religion, or the afterlife. It's useful, and does work as a means of making us happy, but it also cant help but make you question it.

Maybe, I am being silly however, and maybe this karma i am looking for is delayed for some reason. Maybe fate will only allow it to come at a later time?
or even, maybe, the horrible, horrible wait is in fact a lesson. something that I will learn from in the future?