Chicken Nugget (Monologue)

I’d like to tell you a story if I may.
A week last Monday, I was in town, on my way to an audition actually. If you hadn’t already guessed I’m an actor, as is pretty obvious as I am on a stage talking to all of you…….
I was walking towards the audition and there was McDonalds on the floor. There was a empty box which had previously held a McChicken sandwich; there was the brown bag that you get when you’d like to take your newly purchased meal out of the eating establishment with you; and there was a chicken nugget. Bang splat, in the middle of the pavement, a chicken nugget. Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t freaking eat it, did I!
I know im blabbering on, but please, hold on in there, I am getting somewhere…. I think.
After the audition, it went really well actually, but I didn’t get the part, I was walking back, taking the same route as I had previously taken, and to, to my horror…I guess…. As I retraced my steps towards the aforementioned uneaten meal, I noticed that there was no chicken nugget.
It had gone.
Still there, strewn across the path I was about to take, was the vacant box and tanned paper bag, but no chicken nugget.
Now that got me thinking about life.
Now if a litter picker were to pick up this chicken nugget, he would surely pick up the box and bag too, right? I mean, if he wanted to, he could even have put the nugget, inside of the box, which then would have been a perfect fit to fit inside of the bag, which would make his job a hell of a lot easier really, wouldn’t it? It would kind of be how Mr Ronald intended it in the first place really, food inside box inside bag. You could even sell it as a meal if you want to, to a tramp or somebody…… (Clicks fingers)…a tramp.
A poor guy with barely a penny to his name must have stumbled across the nugget and ate it. From what I saw the nugget was in pretty good condition, I mean, it was all in one piece like, and had no real dirt of any kind on it. If I was a vagrant anyway, I would have eaten it.
But seriously, how horrific does your life have to be, to pick up and eat a mouldy, cold chicken nugget that had been on the floor. Pretty shite is the answer.
I said before that I wanted to be an actor… well actors are out of work 98% of the time. They’re skint, pretty much permanently. In a few years time, fuck, that could even be me. Depressing eh?
This got me to start to think more deeply into the situation however, and I thought, wait a minute! Who’s the beneficiary from this state of affairs? The fucking tramp! He’s been trundling the street, starving, perfecting his depressed voice with the line, “any change please?” all day, and then, lo and behold he finds the Holy Grail, a freaking nugget! He’s the happy one here! And who’s the person who is most distressed by this outcome? The person who dropped the nugget!
I mean, they are quite expensive for what you get, you know what I mean? He or she must have been well pissed of.
That’s when I started to see life in a different light. It’s what you make it, you know? That tramps life is obviously shite. And the person who purchased the McDonalds obviously better, but when faced with a crap situation; suddenly the tramp is having a better time.
Life is what you feel, how you want to see the world and its surroundings as good or bad. If life’s shit, then you’re looking at it the wrong way.

This is when I had one of those, freaky Eureka moments where it all becomes clear, and everything seems to make sense, when a pigeon flew by with a great big chicken nugget in its mouth.

Life isn’t what you make it, in fact it just depends on how fucking insane you get.

What is get?