Attack

Currently, I am really fucking panicking.
A lot.
I won't go into reasons why, but nonetheless I feeling really on edge.

I'm constantly shivering, even when its warm. It must be beacuse I'm full of energy.
Writing this isn't really helping.
I need to get out. Outside.
Not to run, because I don't want to run. Or walk, but I'll walk anyway.

But wait, am I going outside because I feel I need to get rid of some energy?
Or am I doing it to run away from my problem?

I could solve the problem, right here in my room.
I could do it right now. But I keep thinking that I'll be more likely to do it if I'm somewhere else. If I'm outside. With fresh air.

FUCK I'M PANICKING.

I'm breathing at a normal rate. That's fine. Should be no attack here. Except the breaths never feel like full ones.

But my chest and stomach are just turning and turning and turning.
I feel ill. Wanna throw up.
Fucking really hungry, but no appetite.

Don't know what to do but I know exactly what to do.
I'm just scared of doing it, so I don't do it.
What if I fail? What if I fuck up?

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I NOTICE THIS COMING?

Brain is working in overtime, but nothing useful is going in or out.
This has been going on for hours. Time really fucking drags when you feel like this. Which is a good thing, I guess.
Fuck this. I need to get out of here.