Ball Ache

I like to relate sex to love. Sometimes.

To most people, they are not the same thing. Which make's sense really, as you can fuck someone without even knowing their name, and you can love someone without ever getting into their pants.

But yet a still feel a strong connection between the two.

Why?

I'm a massively passionate person. Every now and then I will feel extremely strong about something and, for better or worse, I will become obsessed by it.

Whether it be my acting,

Or my previous girlfriends,

Or even something as stupid as playing a video game.

I become attached and my true and pure feelings will just spurt out.

I will get angry, or fall in love, or become addicted. I will always act in a different way, but the one thing it always has in common is that I will act irrationally. That's a fact.

I may act like a twat or an idiot, but I know deep down that it is that unadulterated, blind passion that keeps me doing it again and again.

Which is why I enjoy sex so much.

It is a way to connect to someone on a hugely personal level, yet without having to think about anything. You just feel. And never underestimate the importance, and beauty, of just feeling something without analysing it.

Sex thrusts these great feeling's on to you so quickly that you don't even notice it. All you notice is that you are getting harder, or wetter.

And when you are turned on, and that passion is running through your veins, I believe you are as close to being a purely instinctual, and visceral, human being as ever. And that is amazing.

Don't get me wrong. Thinking has a time and a place where it is absolutely necessary and enlightening and great. It's just sometimes, we have to forget about all of that and just go fuck a loved one's brains out.

Because forgetting about the world with someone close, is the only true way to show them you love them.

That and flowers, of course.

Follow your heart. Then follow your balls. Then follow your brain.

I Heart You

I always wondered why people relate the heart with love.

The heart is a fricken organ for fucks sake. What does it have to do with relationships?
It's main purpose is to keep blood pumping around your body, not to cause 2 people to fall for each other.
But whoever did make that connection, was a fucking genius.

The heart is the most important thing in your body. It's your engine that keeps you up and running.The same can be said for love.
People go through their lives searching for a significant other. It's the one common goal that nearly everyone will always share, to find someone. To fall in love. To have their own fairytale.

Ever been heart-broken? It's a horrible, horrible feeling. The kind of feeling that you never really forget. It just kinda sits there in the back of your mind, forever playing on you. In fact, there is even such a thing as "Broken Heart Syndrome" where someone who has lost their soulmate falls ill, and can literally die from a "broken-heart"
Tragic eh?
But lets not forget:
The heart is a muscle.
And just like every other muscle, when it is broken and tears, it will, over time, always grow back.

It will grow back stronger.
It will grow back bigger.
And it will keep getting bigger and stronger until the day you die.

The brain will try and convice you that it hasn't.
It will put up certain defences when you get hurt, to try and stop it from happening again.
But these defences are bad. They may stop you from getting hurt, but they also will stop you from ever being able to use your heart again.

Let down your mental defence's. Your heart will thank you for it.

And never forget: The more you use your heart, the better it will be.

<3

Sex Education

I used to love Sex-Ed at school. It was always the best lesson as I basically just pissed around making dick jokes.
I knew all the stuff they were trying to tell me anyway, as at the end of the day, all anyone ever learnt from Sex Ed was to wear a condom.

Wearing a condom cured all problems in sex according to my shitty teachers.

Such bullshit.

We learnt the wrong thing's in school about sex. The only useful thing I learn't was how to put a condom on my dick. Once that things on, I'm now invincible from getting a girl preggers and AID's. Job done.
But we never learnt about the mental effects of sex. The effect it has on our emotional health.

Sexual health is much more than just avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Being sexually healthy is about emotional development, respect and understanding for you and being able to make the right choices. People should be able to make the right choices that make them feel comfortable without fear of intimidation, or hurt others.

Sex is a beautiful thing in strong relationships. It's intimate and fun and brings 2 people together like no thing can. Once you are comfortable with that person and your sex life, you can have so much fun. It's enjoyable, feel's amazing and can bring out your kinkiest instincts. All of which are confidence-building

However I'm not saying that sex outside of relationships is a bad thing. It can be fun and sexy, and we all want it every now and then. You just have to make sure that you have the right mindset, that it is all you want, and not a cry for help.
I've seen so many girls, and boys, go and sleep around because they are just looking for someone to love them. Sex isn't love. And having sex with someone will not make them love you.
And having sex with someone to try and block out certain feelings is also a recipe for disaster
It has the ability to mess your head up, big time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, sex is amazing. You just have to do it in the right way.....

....doggy.

Confessions of a Romantic Male

Guy's do not have a clue about relationships, or women. I'm just gonna throw that one out there.

When we're growing up we don't get much experience of how to act around girls. Were just taught to play football with our mates, or pretend to blow shit up with our Action Man.
Unlike girls, who are expected to dream about their Wedding and Baby plans from when they're 2, guy's don't get much help in figuring relationships out.

Me? I thought I'd figured it out. I was wrong.

And once again, as is a familiar pattern in my blogs, I blame Disney.

When I watched Disney films, and just generic love films, when I was younger, I always saw that it was the nice prince who got his princess.
It's always the geek who gets the hot girl in High School, by expressing his love to her and showing his true feelings.
And there's always a guy who bursts into a wedding at the last possible second to tell the bride how he truely feels about her, and then they rush off into the sunset.

I was influenced a lot by these films, and in all fairness, I wanted that.
I wanted to be the underdog geek who won the girl by telling her the truth.
I wanted to be the prince who fights until his last breath for the girl of his dreams.
I wanted to have my own love story.

However, life doesn't work like that.

For years I thought that's what women want. A sensitive, cute guy who respects and loves them with all his heart.
In reality, they desire the opposite.

Girls want a strong, arrogant motherfucker who will ignore them, or a guy who doesn't give two shits about boring romantic feelings and instead only cares about drinking and having fun. It's not a bad thing that they want these types of guys. In fact, it's just natural selection.
I just wish that I wasn't pointed in the wrong direction from a young age.
Causes me a lot of hurt.

This is the truth:
Cool bastards will forever get the girl, and nice guy's will always finish last.
Which one are you?

The Field.

A common saying is that life is a long river that we slowly drift down. Missing all the important, nice thing's in the water because were so busy trying to keep afloat. And that sometimes the current can get rough, and other time's it can be peaceful and lovely.

That's one perspective.

But as we all know, they're are an infinite amount of perspective's in the universe.

I prefer to think of life as a giant open field.
A huge green one that's full of cow's and daffodils and stinging nettles.
And those big round hay ball's that people climb up on and take pictures.

So instead of this river that you float down, unaware of your own movements, and knowing that you'll move down it anyway, regardless of whether you try or not (e.g. fate) it is instead up to you to move around this field.
Exploring and finding your own way around.
In the end it's useless, it's only a fucking field and field's aren't really exciting.

But in your time in this field, you will look upon everything from various different points. Different perspectives you may say.

You will first look at the cow's in the field from head on, you facing them, them facing you. You will be scared of them at first, as they look scary and new and powerful. They could hurt you. You don't know how they're gonna act around you. But you will learn to love them. And they will learn to love you.
You will stroke their nose and smile at them, and swear that they're smiling back.
You will never know for sure as you don't really know how a cow smiles. But you don't need to really know, not deep down.
Then, eventually, some of the cows will turn their backs on you, and shit all over your shoes as they walk away. You will squirm, and notice that cow's look fucking disgusting from behind. Not the pretty cute cow faces that you saw before.

The cow's aren't really cow's at all. The cows are the people, and interactions, in your life. Family, friends, lovers.

In the meantime, you've also noticed a beautiful glint of yellow from the corner of your eye. It's a daffodil. It's even more beautiful than the cow's. It's more intricate and pretty than anything you've ever seen before. It's both delicate and invincible at the same time. You want to care for it, and touch it and feel it in your hands. You instinctively want it to be yours.
So you pick it.
You pluck it out of the ground, and hold this amazing, simple, beautful thing in your hands. Your head suddenly fills with amazingly happy thought's, and for a split second you don't notice the rank smell of shit on your shoes. You forget that you're even stood in a field.
But then the thoughts in your head begin to leave, to deteriorate. The daffodil is dying. You killed it, and it's slowly turning into a brown shadow of what it once was. Up close it's not beautiful anymore. It's ugly.
You throw it on the ground and run.

The daffodil represents art, beauty, inspiration. It's the thing's that you love with everything you have. In fact, it is love.

You try to get as far away from the daffodil as possible, but in your rush you fall into a huge bush of stinging nettles. There's a stabbing pain in your leg as you curse yourself for wearing short's. At first you're unsure of how stinging nettles really work. I mean, you've never seen them before! So you stand there, in the stinging nettles, confused and trying to figure out what's going on. You think about the cow's and the daffodils, maybe they've got something to do with it.
Then it dawns on you. This harmless looking flora must have stung you deep in your leg somehow. The fucker.
And the worst bit? When you get out of the nettles, the leg starts to itch. A temporary reminder that will stay with you for as long as you think about it. However as soon as you forget about that stinging, and think about something else, you slowly forget that it was ever hurting in the first place.
I mean, your now aware of what it does, but you kinda forget how it felt.
Interesting.

The stinging nettles are pain. Whether it be grief, misery, or a sickness. There's a shit load of stinging nettles in the field.

As you turn around and now knowingly look at the back of those stinging nettles, you notice that the shit on your shoe's has been wiped off by all the leaves.
Silver lining.

And of course, to finish off, we have the giant hay bales. The huge fuckers that seemed quite small, interesting and exciting from when you first looked at them all that time ago, during your primary steps in the field. Now they're massive. And because you have a burning curiosity you know that you're gonna have to climb them soon. Shit.

You doubt yourself. When comparing these huge monsters to everything else in the field, all those other things seem meaningless.
It is now when you have 2 choices.
1. You take on the hay bale full on. Gripping at it's side and trying to haul yourself to the top. You probably will fall, but then you'll just get up and try again.
Or 2. You'll do what most of us do and turn around. Trying not to think about the hay bales. Thinking instead of the beautiful daffodil and the smiling cow. You may even take another look at those things, and notice that they look a lot smaller now that you're further away.
The hay bale will never get smaller however. Everytime you look at it, no matter how far away you are, you will always remember it as a huge monster.

The hay bales are our goals and ambitions in life. Our "point" one might say. The size of them will depend on you as a person, cuz let's not forget, this story is in your head. I write a few words, but you're the one that fills in the blanks. The bigger they are, the more anxious you are about your goals and what you want to do. The smaller, then the more ready you are to take them on.

Throughout your journey in the field you have seen many things, from many different points of view. And you have been the one who has made that journey. You've walked away from the cow's and the daffodils and into the stinging nettles, not because you wanted to, but because you had to.
There is something deep down that gives you the desire to fucking run around this field as much as you can.

Follow. That. Instinct.

Pulling Advice

Other boys are constantly asking me, "Conor, how are you so successful with women? You are such a man-whore, can you rub some of that magic off on me?"

Okay so they dont.

But in all fairness, boy's do think about that kinda thing a lot. Boy's want to be attractive and sexy, just as much as girls. It's just they don't show it.

And if I was to give one tip for guys in trying to pull women (or other guys) it would be, be fucking happy.

Why? Well the first reason is that you smile. Smiling is the most attractive trait a person can have. No-one is ugly when they smile. No-one.

Even if you are the nastiest looking human being on this planet, if you smile, people will find you attractive. It's natural selection at it's best.

And the 2nd reason? If you are happy with how you are at this current moment, then it will show. And girls will love that. It means that you're not desperate or clingy with attention. It means that you are your own man. You are strong, happy and confident.

And if you truly feel that? Then you are one sexy motherfucker.

.....Quite literally too, if you play your cards right.

Incept Happiness

The concept behind Inception:

If I say "Try not to think of an elephant."
All you're gonna do is think of an elephant for the next few moments.
It's impossible, and proves that direct thought suppression just doesn't work. The more and more you try not to tihnk of something, the more you're thinking about it.
In fact, subconciously, you're gonna be thinking of an elephant all fecking day.

Now what's the life lesson you are trying to tell us here Conor? I hear you ask.

Well, remember when you had that bad day and you were crying because everything was going wrong? Everyone has one. And then either your best friend, or your mum, or whoever comes, puts their arms around you and says "Just try and forget about the bad times. Concentrate on the good times"

That makes sense doesn't it? As it'll make you happy for the next few seconds as your brain is caught up in the hope of the future.

But in doing so, your friend, or parent or whatever, has planted in your mind the concept of trying to forget bad times.
And you will never forget about trying to forget. It will stick with you forever, as thought suppression doesn't work.

So instead of tackling the bad times head on and sorting them out, you push them to the back of your mind as they begin to eat away at you, and subconciously, they will fuck you up.

Solution? There is none. Vicious circle and all that jazz.

Also, The Game.

The End.

So this is it.

45 days, and 45 blog posts later, I have finished my objective for lent.

So, was forcing myself to do something creative good?
Yeah, yeah it was.
The blogs may not have been to an amazing quality on some days, and some days they may have been short, but still every, every day I managed to come up with something new to write about.
And I didn't even try! They just sort of came.

It gave me a purpose in my thinking and my brain relished it.
I thought about hundreds of different things, and instead of just filling my head with a load of crap like usual, I actually challenged it at times.
Felt good man.

Looking back, I am very proud of what I've written.
I've surprised myself.

I recommend you to try a challenge too. It's worth it.

Now onto the next challenge. No stopping.
Technophobe week, here I come.

The Five W's

Who

I'm Conor Clarke. Internet name: Cleon Clarke.
Born in 1991. Have not much life experience to talk of.
I like to act. It's what I wanna do for a living. At the moment I work as a tutor.
Going university before the fee's raise.
I am 6'2" and weigh about 11 and a half stone.
Brown hair, brown eyes.
Fairly good at maths and science. Can speak a little German.

What

This is my blog.
It's called One Post At A Time, but it didn't start that way.
I first created a blog on Facebook, but found it unreliable.
Created this page, backdated all my Facebook blogs, apart from a few that I wasn't proud of and then put them on here.
I write about a wide range of stuff, but it's basically an amateur study into physcology, philiosophy and a whole lot of observation. I have no experience of studying either of those subjects.
I'll try to write in a comedic yet serious kinda way, but it depends on what mood I'm in.

Why

In late 2009, around November time, I was depressed.
I went to see a councillor in Leicester, and we had a few mini sessions.
He said I should begin writing about my thoughts.
So I did, and me being the attention whore that I am, I soon began posting them on the internet. I was proud of them.
My mental state now is okay, so now I'm just writing for the hell of it.
It's nice. It gives me something to do. I'm very proud of them still.

Where

In my bedroom, in Groby, Leicester. England.
I always write in my bedroom as it has a lazy yet relaxed feel to it.
I've written a few blogs in different places, but it's much harder.
My room is my creative hub, I guess.

When

Been writing since November 09.
My first blog was actually a poem called, Dead Fred.
It was about a man who got killed by zombies.
Since then, I wrote a blog on average at abotu 4 times a month, but since I left school, I had less time on my hands, and I ended up writing 2 a month.
Then I realised that I was just making up excuses about "having less time" and I wanted to do something for lent, so I've written one every day.

Balls To Be You

Me: "So who here feels vunerable?"
No one raises their hands.
"Didn't think so. Being vunerable is not seen as a strong personality trait to have. It's a very negative word, and unless someone wants to self deprecate themselves, they wouldn't use it."

Notice how I didn't think you, sat in your room, would be self deprecating? Course you wouldn't. People are invincible in their own room.

Vunerablity. The effect of feeling exposed to attack.

Attack from what?
A serial killer?
A rapist?
An idea?

Would you describe yourself as "an open book?"
You are open to ideas, friendly, creative, agreeable.

No. No you're not.
Your ideas are probably best, you're not gonna talk to any randomers without knowing a little bit about them and you are really tired and can't be fucked to do anything at the mo.
90% of the time.

We are all closed books.
Closed by the fear of someone in todays society writing shit in all our pages.

Only the bravest are vunerable.

Cheap and Cheerful

Watched this apprentice programme on CBBC couple of days back.
(I'm allowed to, I'm a tutor!)
It really pissed me off.

These kids were getting taught how to rip people off, trick them into buying stuff and pretty much just steal money from other peoples wallets.

Why the fuck is the world like this?
Why is money so precedent in making our own lives go round?

I appreciate that money makes the world go round.
But not people. We should be fueled by something better than that.
Money is corrupt from the word go, everyone knows that, and the second our lives center around it, won't our lives become corrupt?

My desire to live life and enjoy it, overpowers my desire for money. Every. Fucking. Day.
I however, am very alone in where I stand.

When I tell people I want to be an actor, I get the weirdest looks.
"You want to be an actor? Hahahah you're not going to earn any money at all!"

Fuck you.
I just have the balls to follow my dream, and haven't been brought down by the fucked up, money obsessive world we live in.

Enjoy your £30 an hour job. If you can.

I have a £6 an hour one. And I love it.

Grim

Death.
Being dead.
What happens after life?

Life is all we have, and death is a pretty major part in it. It affects us in every little thing we do. If we were never going to die, then I'd probably just sit on my arse all day, eat wotsits and wank. It'd be brilliant.
But it'd be empty, in all honesty.

Lots of different religions speak of an after life.

And they kinda need to.
The whole concept of religion is to find meaning, and give us normal folk hope in life. That's what all religions have to do. It's the point of them.
And therefore religions try extra hard to give us an after life, because death has very little hope. Fuck me it can be a scary thought.

Death is the one thing that if we were to look at ultra literally, we would come to the conclusion that there is no hope. You can't even have a "good" death, because you won't know if it's good or not. You'll be dead.
It is, the end of everything. Good or bad.

It's black. Forever.

But somehow, I'm not overly scared of death. Why is that?
I reckon I'm just dumbed down.

Baby Rebel

Anarchy is major theme in my blogs.
I admire the concept a lot.

It's a nice concept, of just not giving two shits about things, and going crazy and "giving it to the man."
It feels nice, you know.

But anarchy in excess can be bad. Which is kinda obvious really, but gimme a break! I've been writing a new blog every day for about 40 days and I'm beginning to run out of ideas!

In my current job, as a tutor, I work with kids a lot. From 4 to 14 years old.
I never thought I'd say this, but kids are brilliant, and they represent anarchy more literally than anything I could describe.

Most people love kids. They love the ignorance that they have, and the carefree attitude that they have. People can be jealous of the fact that kids have no worries in the world and that even if they did, they wouldn't give a shit.

However, as we all know, kids can get fuckin annoying. That carefree attitude can begin to grate on us and the fact that sometimes they don't listen can cause people to rage.
Their lack of independance too can be seen as a cute, admirable thing, until we get sick of being their helper.

Anarchy is the best thing when you are in a calm, relaxed, open mood. But when you're not and you're stressy, busy and pissed off, rules become important.

And if today's society is based on rules, then that must mean that today's society is a naturally stressy, busy and pissed off. Or something.

Busy Busy Busy

Busy busy busy.
I'm a busy man.
Busy busy busy.
I do ev'rything I can.
Busy busy busy.
Sometimes I don't stop.
Busy busy busy.
It makes my head go pop.

Now I could do the pretentious thing of saying "On days when you are really busy and going at 100mph, just stop for about 5 minutes. Stop and take a breather, or a cup'o'tea. Your body and mind will thank you for it."

But no.
That's wrong.
On days when you are busy and you have a thousand things to do, never stop. Stopping will cause your body to lose it's energy, and it's a pain to get it back.
When you stop, your body just wants to lie down...... all day.
Your mind is thick as fuck too, because as soon as that stops thinking, it goes Yay! Bedtime!

By all means get some food, and a drink to keep you hydrated and alive, but never just stop. Stopping is bad, because starting up again is really feckin hard.

Apocalypse

I've found the true point in life.
It's the dot above the i.

Sometimes it's hard to admit things to yourself. Things you don't wanna know.
Life is one of them.
Admitting to yourself that there is no point in life and that all it is, is a mixture of gut feelings and smiles while you go about your life and hope it's not that bad, is one that some people never admit. There's no point to really.
But life is really short, and death is eternal.

So what can we do?

Bugger all.
Hope for a heaven.
Become ignorant enough so we don't care.
Spend our lives on the edge and get the most out of it.

The phrase "Jesus is coming, look busy" rings true here.
Because I've found that the biggest challenge we face in making our lives "worthwhile" is aiming to not being bored enough to think about it.
The busier we are, the less we think about the end, and the happier and longer the present.

That's like, it. I think.

Fucked up; Insecure; Neurotic; Emotional.

Disclaimer: This is from a boy's point of view.

Anyone who has been in a relationship will have probably lived through this.

In a female-male relationship.
Going well.
Infatuated/in love with each other.
Have an misunderstanding.
Female gets quite annoyed at something.
Male tries to cheer her up.
Male: "How are you?"
Female: "I'm fine!"

NO YOUR NOT FUCKIN FINE.

Or are you?
Other halves across the world use this phrase, and a lot of men get annoyed at it.
But I've realised, that actually they are telling the truth. It's just neither us nor them know it.

If I girl was truly not "fine" with a relationship, she would say something about it. Things would break down, and you will probably see it coming from a mile off, if you don't blind yourself with love.

The fact is, that relationships cannot be healthy without a few arguments along the way.
If everyone was content with their relationship, then it'd be the most boring fucking thing ever. So if we argue, it is because we expect things to get better. Which is good!
Giving each other high standards in a relationship means you are both likely to get mroe out of it.

So, when your girl, or guy, says that they're "fine," well then you both probably are. You both just don't realise it yet. Kinda ironic, in a way.

Attack

Currently, I am really fucking panicking.
A lot.
I won't go into reasons why, but nonetheless I feeling really on edge.

I'm constantly shivering, even when its warm. It must be beacuse I'm full of energy.
Writing this isn't really helping.
I need to get out. Outside.
Not to run, because I don't want to run. Or walk, but I'll walk anyway.

But wait, am I going outside because I feel I need to get rid of some energy?
Or am I doing it to run away from my problem?

I could solve the problem, right here in my room.
I could do it right now. But I keep thinking that I'll be more likely to do it if I'm somewhere else. If I'm outside. With fresh air.

FUCK I'M PANICKING.

I'm breathing at a normal rate. That's fine. Should be no attack here. Except the breaths never feel like full ones.

But my chest and stomach are just turning and turning and turning.
I feel ill. Wanna throw up.
Fucking really hungry, but no appetite.

Don't know what to do but I know exactly what to do.
I'm just scared of doing it, so I don't do it.
What if I fail? What if I fuck up?

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I NOTICE THIS COMING?

Brain is working in overtime, but nothing useful is going in or out.
This has been going on for hours. Time really fucking drags when you feel like this. Which is a good thing, I guess.
Fuck this. I need to get out of here.

A Bad eROs-LL Model

Modern love.
I hate that fucking phrase.
All a modern love story involves is a man making a sandwich for his wife.
It's always so fucking understated.

Somehow, nowadays, a simple look can be percieved as having as much emotion as a heartwrenching cry for forgiveness by a man on his last legs.
"Oh my god, that look says it all."
Understatement is so in these days.

Where are the prince's going halfway across the world to save their princess from a bloodthirsty dragon, and then living happily ever after?
Instead we are now told that if a man and a woman aren't at each other's throats after 30 years of marriage, then it must be true love.

And this understatement is what some people are beginning to wish for.
To have a simple life. To love someone, to have some kids and to be okay financially with a job you don't hate that much.

What happened to dreams?
What happened to aiming for perfection?

Would you rather be disappointed at aiming for 100 and only reachin 50, or for aiming at 50 when you really wanted 100.

Modern love is aiming for 25 and hoping deep down that it means 250.

Space Mountain

Ronan Keating once said that life is a rollercoaster.
You remember the up's more than you remember the downs.
That obvious, because your brain is gonna have a higher activity level when you are tense and scared and looking over the edge to a huge drop, while you hear the constant click clack of the coaster ticking away.
And then when you go, you let go of all your brains feelings and just enjoy the moment.
You rarely remember that bit in as vivid a detail.

But you know it was the best moment. Why?
Because you were underwhelmed.

Because the drop wasn't as good as you expected.
Or as scary as you'd thought.
Or as brilliant as you'd hoped.

It was, instead, a good experience.
And you lose your fear of rollercoasters and such thrill things, and you go in search of the next one. With your mind safely knowing that anything as scary as that last ride can easily be conquered.

Why can't that sort of feeling transfer into everyday things? That thrill seeking?
That knowledge-overpowering-fear feeling?

Instead of remembering the lows in our lives, and using them, we try to forget them, even though that they too, were underwhelming.
You never feel as bad as you fear you do. But we always will fear we might.

I guess it's some sort of cruel human nature.

The bigger the drop, the higher you must have came from.
Sometimes people are too scared of going that high up, because they fear the drop will be too much.

The drop won't be that bad. I promise.

Mini Blog 2

There are 24 hours in a day.
Which is 1440 minutes.
Which is 86400 seconds.

I'm not expecting myself to enjoy every single one of those seconds every day.
But at least so that a few of them are memorable.

Mini Blog

Great minds talk about ideas.
Average minds talk about events.
And small minds talk about people.

And whoever talks about sex is just plain horny.

Agony Aunt

Got a problem? Talk to Frank.
Or Deirdre.
Or even Mystic fecking Meg.

If we have problems in life, we are always given loads of options that can help.
People left, right and centre are telling us where to go, and what to do.
And quite a lot of the time, what people tell us to do about our problems are right.

But you already knew that didn't you?

In all fairness, we know exactly what we have to do to make things right when we have problems. Well, 95% of the time.

But either 1. We are too afraid to admit what needs to be done.
Or 2. We're unsure, so we need an outsider to confirm our thought processes and make sure we're not acting like complete donkeys.

Fair do's.

But I find that a bit of a cop out. And I've done it.
I've had problems, but I've bottled tackling them head on, and instead I've squirmed around and found an easier way around them, by using the help from someone.
But did I grow as a person from that? Fuck no.

Next time, I'm gonna act like a fucking man.

You reckon that's the right way to go about it? And if so, how do I start?

Fabulous Fallacy

Fuck, it was sunny today.
In April.
Shit the bed.

Go out in the sun today? Felt good didn't it?
Feeling the rays of sunshine on my face always adds a sense of clarity to the days events.
Nothing can wrong. I am invincible.

But why do I feel like that in the sun?
Why can't that confidence come in the rain?

Maybe it's because, subliminally the sun reminds us of good times.
But a lot of people have bad times in their life in the summer, so that can't be it.

Maybe it's because we are brought up from childhood to think that sunshine equals happiness?
But Christmas is arguably the happiest time in a childs life, and that's not sunny, so that can't be it.

Maybe it's just because it adds options to our lives. We can go wherever we want without having to pack an umbrella or a coat?
But with cars and planes, going anywhere we want is just as easy in the winter as now.

So what could it be?
Maybe it's just because the sun is good for us?

While I ponder this, (at night lol) go outside and enjoy the sun.
We don't get it often, so make sure you don't waste it.
There'll be one day where you won't ever get to see it again.

Piggyback Effect

Everytime I get out of the shower in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror.

And I compare.

I compare how my chest looks compared to guys in perfume adverts.

I compare how bad my skin is compared to the day before.

I even compare how long my winky is to various pornstars.

It's natural. Everyone compares themselves to others.

And most of all, you compare yourself to your friends. When you look at your friends, you always try to see how you'd do against them.

And out of your friends, who would win a fight?

Who is the most attractive?

Who is the most intelligent?

And each and every time you do, even though sometimes you feel like you are miles off them, you always seem to compare. You always have one thing that they don't.

And that isn't because everyone's good at certain things. In fact, it's just because you naturally compete against your peers every day, and you naturally begin to beat them. But only just.

Which poses an interesting question.

Have we become talented and skilled at things because we have progressed on our own?

Or are we only good at things so that we can beat others?

If we hang around with people who aren't very successful at things, are we only gonna be slightly better than them?

And then if we were to start hanging around with people who are more skilled, are we likely to become naturally better so we can beat them?

The Sitcom That Is Life

Hmmmm, shall I write an optimistic blog or a depressive one today?

Time goes pretty quickly. In fact, a few seconds have even gone by as you're reading this.
How quick was that?
Life goes by too quickly people always say. Well I've had 19 years of it, and it's seemed to drag for me. But if what older and wiser people say is true, then maybe it's time to start making some more memories.

All we really have is our memories. Everything else, like our clothes, iPod's, all creature comforts will probably have been replaced in 10 years. But our memories will still remain. Unless we get alzheimers. Then we're fucked.

But in all fairness, that is all we have in life. Memories.

So why do we try so hard for our creature comforts?
Why do we have to work for money, to buy physical things that degrade straight away?
Why don't we spend all our hard earned money on experiences? Things that will never degrade, because all they are, are memories.
Little pockets of TV stored up in the iPlayer that is our brain.
But these memories aren't just normal TV programmes.
These are Soaps filled with more emotion and sentiment than any TV programme can even try to recreate.

Academic Joy

I do miss going to school sometimes.
Not exactly for the whole learning experience, but more for the social.
People don't really enjoy the learning bit.
It's interesting, yeah. But not enjoyable.

From day 1 we are being taught things. It happens everyday.
You learn a new thing every day, as my grandma once said.

People always want to get qualifications, too.
GCSE's, A-Levels, Degree's.
All people want to be is smart, so that they can have a happy life.

But whoever said that wisdom = happiness?
And where's the degree in how to be happy?

"Why hello there sir. I have a PHD in being happy, and I'm a dumb as a duck."

Quack.

Once Upon A Cynical Time

Boy lives in a huge Kingdom.
Boy is in love with Princess of Kingdom.
Princess doesn't notice Boy.
Princess gets kidnapped by Vicious Bad Guys.
Boy chases after Vicious Bad Guys.
Boy goes on journey through a Magical Land.
Boy fights Horrible Creatures in Magical Land.
Boy fight Vicious Bad Guys.
Boy saves Princess.
Princess and Boy fall in love and get married.
Princess realises Boy is a bit of a psycho after risking his life to save someone he doesn't know.
Boy was just trying to follow his Knight in Shining Armour dream.
Boy becomes friend-zoned.
Princess files for divorce and goes and fucks Vicious Bad Guy because he is hot.
The End.

Dante's World

Some people say that life is actually hell.
That living on this earth is one of the 9 circles of hell or some shit.

I see a lot of truth in that, because in all fairness, it can take quite a lot of effort to be happy in this world. Doing nothing just leads to depression.

You need to be active and outgoing to truly get the most out of your day.
You need to strech out of your comfort zone to apprieciate life.

In fact, from the beginning of life, we are taught disappointment.
If you are not as asthetically perfect as people you see in the media, you are ugly.
If you are not as academically successful as your schoolmates, you are dumb.
If you are not sporty and active, you are fat.
Life is one vicious circle, and in all fairness, it's man made.

Others make us seem like this, because of natural human instincts.
Whenever we follow our instincts, we are put down, like eating so much to keep healthy means we are pigs.
Whenever we decide to follow social norms we are put down by people acting out their instincts, like jealousy and envy.

In fact if this is hell, then human beings must be the devil.

Teenage Dirtbag

People always want to be a loser.
Cuz it's cool, fun or cute.
No one ever says the winner is cool, fun or cute.

Hey look at me, I'm such a loser, but that just means everyone loves me

.................In their head they love you, not in their heart.

Loser's represent a hope and challenge in life that people desire, hence why they try to become them a lot of the time. And because it's easier than becoming a winner.

To be a winner, people know that they have to work hard, and actually try.
And tryings not fun is it?!

No, lets all be emo loser's because all that involves is lounging around looking after my haircut and then moaning about the fact that I'm such a loser, but then that I don't care because it means I get attention and therefore it's cool.

Rant over.

Being a loser is cool. But being atleast properly trying to be a winner, has a sense of honourablilty and pure unaldulterated passion about it that really gets under my skin.
I'm not gonna cheer for the underdog anymore, unless they really really want to be the best.

Fresher Than Will Smith

Brum brum.
I need a car. But they're so fucking expensive, and I'm struggling when I only work 16 hours a week.
(Anyone wanna give me another job?)

And lets be honest, with fuel prices as they are, I couldn't even run one if I did have one.
In fact, in all seriousness, I've realised that I even struggle to fuel myself.

I've learnt that as good as finding inspiration and creativity and magic from within yourself is, you are always gonna need fuel to do it. And the better the fuel, the better you will run.

Whenever I drink water over something like Coke, I feel more productive.
Whenever I eat something that I've cooked, rather that a pack of mini chedders, I feel more prepared for the upcoming day.

But the most important fuel I've found, is fresh air.
Fuck me, it feels nice to take a deep breath. Not when you are in a stuffy, humid or closed room, but when you are outside in the sunshine.

It fills you with a sense of clarity that, lets be honest, people can rarely feel on a day to day basis.
But that clarity is beautiful. Just for those few seconds, everything seems alright and easy and stress free.

But then you tread in dog shit, and the feelings gone.
Replaced with the pettyness of life.

Word Grumble 2

Pressure.
The force exterted on a square inch of blah blah blah.

Pressure basically means to press. So where did all this stress come from when people are under pressure?

Lets take a look at that phrase "to be under pressure." People can be put under pressure when they are asked and expected to get something done. Usually with consequences if it isn't done, hence where the stress comes from.
But then why do we use the phrase "under pressure"? When all that means is a force being exacted?

To use a very old adage, diamonds are created from great pressure. I like that phrase.
When I'm put under pressure I love it, because it is forcing me to become better. I can't help it. It is an outside force, pressing down on me and making me harder, and stronger.
Not stressy.

Utilising pressure to create a better version of yourself is a freeing experience. It is no longer you that has to pull out all the stops to become the perfect version of yourself, as it is instead life doing it for you.

Everything you do causes you to be under at least some pressure.

Relish it, it is there for a reason.

"Quote"

"The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much"

"That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life."

"Death gives life meaning"

"Absolutely nothing good can come out of overthinking things"

"Everyone feels like everyone else, just not at the same time"

"He who stops being better, stops being good."

"To find fault is easy: To do better may be difficult."

"You don't have to have a reason to feel good - you can feel good for no reason at all."

"You may be disappointed if you fail but you are doomed if you don't try."

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."

"Always be smarter than the people who hire you."

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

"I need no quotes, I live my life as I want to."

Word Grumble

I hate the way people perceive the word stereotype.
People always look at is as a bad thing. Racial stereotypes, nationality stereotypes, gender stereotypes, that sort of thing.

But stereotypes are really fucking useful.
They give people an idea of what to think, which is something we need pretty much 99% of the time.
Or else otherwise our heads would explode.
Like boom.

When you read a story, and a character is described as pudgy, chubby, or round, people are instantly forced to think jolly. Probably because of Santa Claus.
When you read slender, you assume sinister.
When you read hunky, you assume hero.
When you read woman, you assume kitchen. (/JOKE)

I hate the way people assume this word, even though assumptions are useful in everyday life.
I hate this assumption, but I love assumptions in general.

Aww who am I kidding, I'm stereotyping things myself.

I guess we need to hate things in life, cuz otherwise they just wouldn't work.

No Evil

Would you rather be blind, or deaf?

If you are blind, you can't see the beautiful aesthetics that are all around the world today. You can't see huge mountains, snow falling and Arsenal playing football.

If you are deaf, you can't hear the amazing inspirations that sounds can so easily produce. You can't hear great crescendo's in classical music, or a rousing speech by an actor on stage.

But whatever happens, you will still be able to live a great life.
Because the best things in life are not heard nor saw.

When you are with your loved ones, the best moments are when no one is saying anything.
When you hug someone, you feel most loved when you close your eyes and lose yourself.

The happiest moments in people's lives are never saw,
or heard,
or smelt,
or tasted,
or felt.

They are lived.
Living is not sensations caused by the 5 senses, but it is something much, much more simpler than that.

Hangover Cure

Urghhh. Dry mouth.
Aches.
Unsettling stomach.

I'm never drinking again!

That's a lie. I will. Probably quite soon actually.
I just need to become cleansed first. To become fresh.

Now usually a quick shower and run would be enough to do this for me. Maybe even a bacon sarnie if I'm gonna go for over kill.
But today, I only need one thing. A video.

Everytime I watch this video, it calms me to a state that can probably only be achieved otherwise through means of some drugs. It's brilliant. And pretty intense too.
It's kinda like a mellow Sigur Ros. If Sigur Ros could get more mellow.

Try it. Grab some headphones, stick it on fullscreen, and make sure you are in a calm enviroment.
I find this beautiful.
And it pretty much could write a blog for me.

Lollipops and Rainbows

Sometimes when I go to write another one of these blogs, I look for an inspiration somewhere.
Whether it be Youtube, Wikipedia, even Nuts magazine, I try to read or watch something that gives me a sense of enlightenment and wisdom. A true awe instigating feeling where everything becomes suddenly clear.

It never really does. But it does get me thinking.
People go looking for these eureka moments a lot. Whether it be in art, or natural beauty, people look for something that fills their need for knowledge and astoundment.

But that's not what art does.
Artists create art to make you feel one, or two certain emotions.
They try to get their ideas and feelings across.
And a lot of them are quite depressing.

And the reason art never gives you this everything-is-beautiful-in-the-world-and-I-now-can-see-it-for-it's-true-colours feeling, is because it doesn't exist.

The world is a nasty place, filled with tiny bits of rainbows and lollipops.

I like rainbows and lollipops. And sunshine. Gimme more.

Crave

I could fucking kill for a pack of Tangy Cheese Doritos round about now.
Like a full pack, all to myself. Fuck yeahhhh.

Why do people get cravings for food?

I've looked it up (wikipedia lol) and apparently there is no one explanation for it.

Is it a desire for the release of hormones that those foods give us?
Or is it a want for a certain feeling that we remember having when eating those foods?
Or is it just hormone fuelled? An imbalance causing a strange brain signal?

But whatever the reason, a craving shows you what your body really desires, without the brain consciously knowing about it. Similar to an addiction.

You never really know when you are addicted to something, until after it's gone.

What would the world be like, if everyone just spent their time trying to fulfill their cravings?
Would people be more sane? Or insane?

Template

[Topic]

[Insert something witty about topic to get people interested]

[Relate to them by saying about something so blindingly obvious in their lives that they never think about it, but because I've said it, they will now think about it, as if it were new]

[Preach my own views. Sometimes as an opinion, sometimes as a fact]

[Insert something witty again, to keep people interested]
[Use meaningless quote to evoke a sense of enlightenment in the reader]

Preaching About You

God is real. But lets get things straight, he ain't no big man in the sky.

He is as real and me or you.
He is real because of what he represents.

In your head and heart, you are not just carrying around your own thoughts and feelings. You are carrying many peoples. You are carrying your inspiration's dreams, your last love's devotion and your best friends loyalty. They make up who you are.

All those little bits of advice that you have been given throughout your life are now a part of you.
Those bits of advice are you.

God is full of advice. And I'm not just talking about the Christian God, but about all religions.
And you take his peices of advice with you, whatever they are, and they become a part of you.
They become your thoughts, and your feelings.
That hope, love and in a strange way independence that he represents, is in all of us.
In fact, it is the strongest part of all of us.

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Greed

Whenever I think of greed, my mid instantly transports to Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.
The bit with the golden eggs.

That girl is fucking greedy.

Having more than you need isn't good. It causes people who don't have enough to suffer.
And that's not good karma.

But on the average day, how often do you think of others more than yourself?
Even with Comic Relief, I'm looking forward to it making me laugh, more than the fact that it will save people's lives.
Call me a selfish dickhead, but that's just the way I've been brought up. To look after myself more than anyone else. It doesn't mean I'm a horrible person.

But if you're not gonna look after yourself, then who's gonna want to?

Be greedy. It will make your life easier.
And always remember that it's your life you are living, not someone elses.

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Envy

For me, envy is probably the most destructive of the sins.
It can cause my true demons to emerge, I can do things that I will regret, and most importantly it causes me to change who I am.

But wait, isn't regret good?
Doesn't doing things you regret make you a better person in the long run?

People may hate you and dislike you for who you were, and for what you've done. But in the long run, those hateful emotions become condensed, and weakend, as we only really remember the good times.
Because we desire more good times.

Desire. Envy. Same thing in the popularity heavy world we live in.

Envy causes people to aim higher.
However, it also causes people to steep lower when they go to achieve their aims.

Therefore I have concluded that envy is a beautiful thing, when paired with honor and patience.

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Lust

Lust.
Another temptation that is widely carried out these days, much like gluttony.
Another pleasure, that must be used correctly for it to be safe, much like sloth.
Another instinct that is pure bliss when it just takes over, much like wrath.

Lust takes many forms, and is probably the most talked about of all the sins.
Think Jeremy Kyle.

But quite a lot of the time, I feel lust. And plenty of times before, I've felt lust.
I've acted upon it, and it's felt good.
It's led to better things.

The greatest thing in the world, is quite often said to be love. Would anyone disagree with that?
I'm lucky enough to have loved. And not just once.
I have loved people in a romantic way, and they'ved loved me back, but that wasn't the case at first. Oh no, before I fell in love with these people, I lusted for them.

Sometimes it's actually hard to tell the difference between love and infatuation. They share the same symptoms, and your body acts in the same way, and therefore sometimes causing you to feel like you are in love. In fact, it's only in restrospect that you can realise how you truly felt.

Lust is basically a mini-love. And what can go wrong with mini-love?

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Sloth

Today, I'm gonna stay in bed.

Sloth is just like every other sin around. It's a guilty pleasure if done correctly.
Staying in bed all day, not getting stuff done and procrastinating and the like are all brilliant ways to spend a day, if there is something going on with your life.

If you spend all your time not doing work and sleeping and such, sloth can become a horrible disease, that is a pain to get rid of.

If, however, you work hard, play hard and rest hard, then lazyness is the greatest feeling.

Ever watched someone work really really really really really hard, while you're just lying there sippin a pina colada? Fucking epic feeling.
You feel lazy.
You feel strong.
You feel smart.
You feel happy.

Now, put your feet up, and watch Comic Relief, a lot of people working real hard on TV, while you sit there and enjoy the ride.

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Pride

My pride is my confidence.

I am proud of nearly everything I do, and that works in convincing myself that I am brilliant.
Some call me arrogant, some say I'm a cocky twat. They would be right.

But I don't mind. They can think that if they want. Because to be honest, I'm too proud to listen to them.

If anybody out there wants to know how to not become bogged down by bad criticism, or by hate messages, then it's simple. Be too proud and ignorant to notice.
I don't need to work to become the best. I already am the best. I only work to become better.

Boasting about your achievements may grind some peoples gears, but god damn it feels good inside.

And come on, it's fucking harmless!

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Gluttony

Need to be careful with this one.
The UK today is about 20% obese, so I'd be stupid to say that no one knows the joy of over eating. Everyone does.
Eating = Happy.
Loads of foodstuffs release certain endorphins and such stuff.

Mmmmmm, chocolate.

I personally eat a lot.
"Then how do you stay so thin and sexy then Conor?" I hear you ask.
Well it's simple. I treat all foodstuffs the same. I judge only for taste.

The second people stop looking at chocolates and crisps as a "bad" food choice, then second they will start eating better.

The reason people over endulge is because it's a taboo! And people like to do taboos! It's exciting.

I will eat a chocolate bar whenever I feel like having chocolate. Not when I'm feeling like I'm gonna be naughty.
I will eat 3 bags of crisps in a row, cuz 1 doesn't fill me up. Not cuz I like crisps.
I drink water a hell of a lot now too. Not cuz I like water, but because its better for my skin.

I don't dislike things because they are good for me, like a lot of people do.
(Oh I hate salad, get me a chocolate bar over that any day!)
Today, actually, I'm gonna eat salad, cuz I've got a craving for it.

The Beauty of the 7 Sins: Wrath

Fury. Anger. Rage.

Getting angry is one of the best feelings in the world.
The moment you just see red, and nothing else matters except exacting your revenge, is such a freeing experience.

You don't have to be polite. Or civilised. Or anything other than violent.

Wrath brings with it a feeling of self destruction.
And while that instantly would suggest it's a bad thing, let's be honest here. When was the last time you truly felt more out of control of yourself than when you were angry? And in the process of self destruction?
Sometimes letting go of control of yourself is a way to see how you are truly feeling.
Letting your instincts take priority.

Don't regret the times you are angry, because at those moments you are as close to seeing how you feel deep down, than ever before. It just takes another perspective to see.

Dr. Pressure

I'm scared. Scared about tomorrow. Scared about the future. Scared about the expectations people have. Scared about challenges.

But most of, scared of my mind.
Scared of what it's doing.

Fight or flight.

When you are put in a dangerous, or scary situation, where you must act to survive, you are given 2 options. Fight or flight.

I'm scared of the situations that I will be put in, in life.
But only because whenever I'm put in those situations, my gut tells me to run.

I don't want to run.
I know that fighting is the best way. The honourable way.
But my instincts don't want to do it.

I need to think about this.

Drunken Idiot/Genius

Why do we get drunk?

Is it an escape from the pressures of life, as you don't care about anything?
Is it so that we can be social?
Or is it just an excuse to act like a fool, and not feeling bad about it.

Acting like a idiot is fun.
Last night I spent 5 minutes dancing the macarena to Barbra Streisand. Fucking stupid as.

The thing is, I wasn't even that drunk. Just kinda, well for lack of a better word, merry.

Afterwards I walked off thinking, that was so stupid. But I didn't regret making a fool of myself.
In fact, I figured that people were probably looking at me, and wishing they had the balls to be such an idiot.

But some people only act like idiots when they're intoxicated.

Acting like an idiot is something we all enjoy. It's not frowned upon, and in fact its encouraged.
But why do the majority of us have to wait until after a few drinks?

Time to grow some balls and forget my pride.

The Idiot Test 6

Games

Chillaxing

I can be very laid back sometimes.
Painfully so actually. So much, that sometimes people actually get annoyed at me because I don't take things very seriously.

I would love to tell you why I don't take certain things seriously, but I can't honestly say.

However I do know that I'm not laid back when I think about things that don't matter.

Such as whenever I don't know where to go in town to have my lunch, I'm like:
"Fucking hell Conor, just choose one you prick, Boot's or Urban Pie."
And I stress.

However when I'm questioned about which University I'm gonna go to to spend the next 3 years, I'm like:
"Meh, not too sure yet."
Therefore I don't stress.

Now is this because my brain has learnt this laid back'ness as a stress supression method, or is it a bit of an idiot move?

Would I be better off stressing about the bigger decisions, and not caring about the littler ones?

Or is saying fuck it to bigger decisions a better way to go?

Can a Match Box?

Motivation.

It's a bitch to find.

And the easiest way to find it, is to tell it to fuck right off.
Fuck off motivation. I don't need you.

Not because you don't need motivation. You need it alright. It's just because anarchy is the fuel of the greatest of motivations.
When someone tells you to do something, your initial reaction is to not do it.
When someone tells you, you can't do something, your initial reaction is; fuck off.

Proving people wrong and doing supposedly impossible things, is how we've gotten to where we are today. It's how people have made themselves great. By doing the impossible.

I'm not trying to turn this into a motivational pretencious FUCK YEAH blog however.
I just wanted to show you how it's funny, then when someone says, and means:
"You can't do that!"

Your initial reaction is to say:
"Watch me"

Not because you want to do it yourself. Just because you want to rebel against the person who says it.

This maze? Now this is impossible.

Message From The Dark Side

Recently I broke my mobile phone, and for the past few weeks I've had to make do with a quite old Motorola.
The KRAZR I think it's called.

It's shite.

I can pick the out the things it does differently to my old mobile, and criticize it all day long.
I hate using it.

So, yesterday, I went outside without it.
For the first time in about 6 years, I left the house without my mobile phone.

And it was brilliant.

Without a phone you have no control over other people.
You can't text people and organise to see them.
If anything bad happens, you can't contact anyone.

It scary. And fun.

Getting rid of my mobile phone got rid of my sense of responsibility. It challenged me to be more pro-active in getting what I needed. Also, weirdly, it gave me a sense of power.

It reminded me that if I want to go see someone, then I had to get of my arse, and go and see them. Not be lazy and just text them.

I'm becoming quite the technophobe.

30 Day Challenge.

Is forcing yourself to do something creative good or bad?

Does hard work spawn good creative ideas? Or do the best ideas come from living and observing life?
I'm gonna force myself to write one blog, per day, for lent.

And force is the right word.

At least for the first few days. But then, after a while, I'm certain that it's gonna become a lot easier.
In fact, getting started is the hardest thing to do, ever.
Your body and brain don't like change, whether it's good or bad.
Adult Story Time
A couple were having trouble with their relationship. They didn't feel like the fancied each other anymore, and the connection between them just wasn't there anymore. In fact, they didn't love each other anymore.
Until they tried the 30 DAY CHALLENGE.

The 30 day challenge, means having sex, at least once a day, every day, for 30 days.
Now, for anyone who has been in a stale relationship, they know that is one hell of a task.
When there is no passion, to just jump straight into bed naked is something you just don't wanna do.
The first few days were a struggle. They both felt tired; couldn't be bothered; wasn't turned on; but they stuck to it. They had sex even when they both would rather go sleep.

And then something interesting happened.

After about 10 days, they both began to start to look forward to seeing their partner again.
They began to day dream about what they were going to do in the bedroom later.
They were thinking of new idea's more regularly, new positions, new ways to excite.
They looked forward to the sex, because they knew it was going to happen.

By the 30th day, they wern't having sex because they had to, but because they wanted to.
And, most importantly, they realised that they loved each other again.

Survival Instincts

Boys. Girls.
Both full of so much bullshit.
And I blame fucking Disney.

Lets think about caveman times. Imagine you were there.
Was there such a thing as romance? Did it exist? I don't think it would have. It's too much hassle.

In fact, lets be honest, why were we created? To pro-create. To have sex. To do the dirty. To fuck.
The only reason the human race has survived, is because we fuck a lot. Causes sperm to go to the egg and so on and so forth.

Which is why, when looking for a potential partner, our instincts always tell us to go for the slutty one. The one that'll put out.
It's natural. Men want women to harbour their sperm, and women want to be blasted in said sperm as much as possible.
It's how we've survived! It's how nature works. You can't argue against it, as in in your genes.
You are programmed to have sex.

So that gets me wondering...... Where the fuck did romance come from?

When did women start wanting sensitive, kind and generally nice guys, when all they really want is a bad ass fucker who is gonna protect them from predators, and fuck them until they can't feel their legs? Like they're programmed to want!

When did guy's want cute, petite, and caring women, when all they really want is a slutty girl, who looks like someone who can take a dick and give birth to their child? Like they're programmed to want!


I blame fucking Disney.

They may not have came up with the whole Price Charming malarky, but they spread the concept worldwide. They turned our desires for a partner, from a badass predator, to a soppy arse git. All because it's nice.
Because it makes us happy.
We're not supposed to feel happy! Hence why when it does happen, it's such a rush!

And anyone who does truly desire this Disney Prince/Princess for a partner, is either infertile, or just plain full of bullshit.

The kind of bullshit that has been drilled into your head for your entire life.
The kind of bullshit that makes you happy.

The Anti-Valentines Day Message

Single yesterday? Ooooooo, ouch.
But lemme guess, you still had a nice day didn't you?
I bet you still had a lovely day. Some people hate being single. Especially on V day. But, in the grand scheme of things, is it all that bad?


People want relationships for a whole load of reasons.
They want to feel loved;
They want to fuck someone;
They want to feel special and be treated, just to name a few.
But all they really want, is a time to remember.

Think of life as a Football game. Lots of chasing things around, going for glory, and then eventually losing possession. It has good, bad, and meaningless events happening at all times.

But at the end of the day, when Match of The Day is on, all you ever want to see is the highlights.

And when you are on your deathbed, that is all you will want to remember. The highlights.

I mean, come on, no one ever queued for a flat rollercoaster.



Relationships are highlights. They are times you remember, because they involve people that you will remember. But they are not the only highlights.

Take a nostalgic look into your life, and think about the highlights. (Easy way to do this, is by looking at your old myspace profile, or checking your first ever Facebook profile pic, or message.)

Now, for me, when I look back, I see that the most highlights I've had have been with my friends. Not with my girlfriends.
Don't get me wrong, I've had some great time with my girlfriends, and I wouldn't swap those memories for the world. But my friends are the most important.

What I'm trying to say is, friends are the people you should try and show you love on V day.

I got lucky cuz my girlfriend is one of my best friends.



If you still wish you were loved yesterday, then remember you will always have your family.

If you wanted a fuck yesterday, then be forward about it. Someone will say yes.

And if you wanted to feel special yesterday, then I'm am happy to say that your day will come. You will get married. You will have kids. You will love unconditionally.

Just wait.

Billy Fisher

I'm a very honest person. Which is ironic, considering that I am playing a pathological liar in my new play.

I like to think of honesty as my greatest quality. I feel it defines who I am, people know where they can stand with me, and it may even make me seem a little trustworthy.

But it is also my greatest weakness. My quest for this honor in life, causes me to fail at things where a simple lie could have gotten me much further.

Case in point: I was in a job interview recently, and I was asked "Why do you want to work here?"

My answer: "I would like the money."
Well I wasn't going to lie to the woman! And in all fairness, I stand by the decision to say that to this day.

Just for those who don't know, I am currently unemployed.

So now answer me this:
Is it better to fail with honor, or succeed by fraud?

The Opposite Concept of Horoscopes.

Ever noticed that when you want something in particular, real bad, it never happens.
Ever noticed that when you need something in particular, real bad, it never happens.

Now everyone wants to have good things, right?
And everyone needs good things to happen, right?
And good things do happen. A lot.
But when you want one thing, so much, it just doesn't work out for you.
So what I've taken to doing, is not wanting anything too much.

I don't ever have a passionate desire to have something, because that way, I know I won't ever get it. And even if by some crazy stretch of imagination, I do get it, I know it won't be as good as I have built it up to be in my head.

Instead, I say fuck it, and care about getting as little as possible. Because that way I feel that I'm more likely to get good things.

Or maybe it's just that when the good things do happen, they seem better because I'm not expecting them?

Is this some crazy karma shit, where life rewards you for just living for the moment?
Or is it just a trick of the mind?

Maybe it's both.

I WRITE IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT WAY ITS FUCKING LOUD.

Experiment time.

I want you to turn your music up. If you're not listening to music, then put some on.
Turn it up real loud. Louder than it has ever been before. As loud as it can go.
So loud that in 20 years time you'll have shite hearing because of it.

So loud that it's destructive.

Because that is the time when I feel the most peace, and the most silence.
Your consciousness is so taken up by the fact that theres this shit loud music blasting in your ears, that you forget everything else. All you care about is the music.
Isn't it fucking bliss?

You not caring about anyone knocking on your door, because you wont hear it anyway.
You dont care about your phone going off, because you wont hear it anyway.
You don't care about anything else because there is no point. You won't hear it.

Like I said, bliss.
If only I could find a (legal) way to do this with the other senses.